Setting the Right Unique Couple Goals Personalized for You
I think by now we all know how important setting goals are, so we’re not going to talk about that here. What we are going to talk about is how setting unique and specific goals can improve your relationship. There are three ways setting unique couple goals can positively impact your relationship. First, unique goals specific to your partnership helps make goals feel more intimate to your relationship. Second, setting goals together ensures you have someone to keep you accountable for achieving your goals. Third, setting goals together encourages consistent growth and change in your relationship.
Set Specific Goals Unique to Your Relationship
Setting broad goals in your relationship is absolutely important. We hear about these types of goals all the time. We also hear about setting smaller goals, daily and weekly ones, but how many of us are doing that? And what can those goals even be? Setting goals should be extremely specific to your relationship. In doing so, you’re creating this small but intimate act that helps reinforce your commitment to yourself and your partner. Knowing that you are setting a goal that is personal to your partnership adds the fun aspect of feeling like it’s your novel goal. Feeling like no one else is doing what you’re doing gives it an extra personal touch.
I’ll give an example. My partner and I set goals really early in our relationship. It was almost immediately after agreeing to be in a committed relationship that we had a long discussion about daily and weekly goals that were important to us. We set big and broad goals too. One goal that we have stuck with the very best is to spend one hour every Sunday laying in bed while touching. No TV. No phones. Just eye contact, conversation, and touch. Sometimes it means just holding hands while we talk. Sometimes it’s tickling arms. Sometimes it’s rubbing feet. It doesn’t really matter what it is. It does matter what it does for us.
The benefits to us when we stick with this goal are immeasurable. We’re starting our week off purposefully with quality and intentional time together. It helps remind us what our main priority is for the week – and that’s each other and our family. In the middle of busy work schedules, kids’ activities, unexpected events, and more, we start every week honoring each other and reminding ourselves of what is most important in our lives.
Here are some examples of small, unique couple goals to get you started.
- Sunday morning walk together
- 10 minutes of conversation before turning on the TV every night
- Write one email to each other weekly
- One lunch break date with each other weekly
- Read 10 pages of a book together each night
There are no right or wrong goals you can set as a couple. Think about what you need. Think about times you really connect, and set goals to ensure those opportunities happen more often.
Setting Goals Ensures You Stay Accountable
As with any goals, setting goals with a partner helps create an accountability system. A goal should be something you are both committed to. You’re not setting goals to please each other. If you are doing this, it most likely won’t stick! You should have a desire to work towards this goal on your own, even without your partner’s assistance.
Setting goals with someone adds a partner to your journey and, as with most other experiences in life, having a partner to share an experience with makes it all the more meaningful. I’ve found that setting goals with my partner provides me extra encouragement to stick to them. I don’t want to let him down, and I want to keep my commitments to him and to myself.
Setting Goals Encourages Consistent Change and Growth
When you stop growing you start dying.
William S. Burroughs
Do you believe this? I do. Firmly. The idea behind this is there is no status quo. We can’t simply just exist in the middle. This is in regards to every aspect of our lives, and our relationship is definitely included in that.
Think about it. Picture when your partner and you are “out of sync” a little bit. Nothing, in particular, went wrong. No one is fighting. No one is really taking the initiative to pick things up a bit either. You just don’t feel quite as close. Do you think your relationship is growing or dying in these moments? Do you think you’re good to just sit in the middle for a bit? While there are natural hills and valleys in our relationships, what are we doing to proactively stay on the top of those hills for longer periods?
Setting goals is a proactive way to protect from these declines in our relationship. I don’t think I’ve ever come away from intentional time spent working on a goal with my partner and thought “That was a waste of time. I feel disconnected from him now.” Every conversation, every intentional activity together, every moment with a purpose – it’s all going to assist in growing our relationships instead of allowing them to flounder.
The First Step
Maybe your partner and you already have goals. Maybe you have never set goals as a couple. Either way, now is a good time to evaluate your goals or lack thereof. Here’s a challenge for you, too. Sometime, in the next three days, sit down with your partner. You’re going to make ONE unique and specific goal for your relationship together. Make sure you’re both on the same page, and it’s a goal you can both commit to. Start small if this is new to you. Set a time to evaluate your goal each week and ensure you’re sticking with it. Pivot on your goal if you find it’s not quite what you need. Make your goals work for you.
What are your thoughts on setting goals as a couple? What goals have worked well for your partner and you? What do you struggle with? Leave a comment so our community can learn from you, too! And sign-up for our newsletter to receive advice straight in your inbox.
